Some Enchanted Ending

We went to see "Enchanted" over the weekend. It was a great film! Fabulous! Everyone should go see it! But it needed a better action climax. So, I’ve decided to re-write it. Maybe they can use my action climax for “Enchanted: The Broadway Musical Stage Version.”

*** SPOILER WARNING ***
If you haven’t seen the film yet, STOP! Go see the movie, then come back and read my improved version:

NARISSA transforms herself into a fearsome purple CG dragon. Laughing maniacally, she throws back her scaly head.

NARISSA- Mwuf mworwr mummuffle mwom mwor!

ALL give her quizzical looks.

PRINCE- (to NARISSA) I beg your pardon, what was that?

NARISSA - (Sounding exactly like a falsetto version of Elliot in Pete’s Dragon) Wummor wum ruwowor wum morfurumuf!

(Suddenly NARISSA realizes she can’t speak. She goes through the exact reaction PIP wnet through earlier in the film, only much angrier. While she is ranting, PRINCE recovers his sword.)

NARISSA- Wummor wuf MWAR!

(NARISSA lunges for GISELLE, but PRINCE is there with his sword to block the attack. LAWYER pulls GISELLE to safety. NARISSA, sneering, amused, blows fire on PRINCE’s sword until it is too hot for him to hold.)

PRINCE- YOW! (Drops sword).

Cackling, Narissa creeps forward, intending to eat PRINCE. She is distracted by a violin bow striking her in the head. She turns to see HENCHMAN and several musicians using their stringed instruments to fire upon her. Furious, she turns on them. HENCHMAN dives under the grand piano just before NARISSA reduces it to matchwood. HENCHMAN scrambles out the other side, unscathed.

But NARISSA is no longer interested in HENCHMAN. She hunts around the room for PRINCE, and spots him showing his reddened sword hand to a sympathetic GISELLE . Meanwhile, NANCY has discovered the control panel for the chandelier. She flips the switch that will lower the chandelier. It is coming down far too slowly, so in frustration she whacks the control panel with her shoe. With a small explosion, the chandelier falls and drops directly on NARISSA’s head. NANCY is surprised by how effective the chandelier was. PRINCE looks impressed.

By the time NARISSA recovers from being hit by a chandelier, everyone has her surrounded with some form of makeshift weapon, a chair, a trombone, a bottle of champagne, what have you. Even the ball guests are ready to throw food. Realizing she can’t face so many opponents, NARISSA gives GISELLE a leer, grabs LAWYER and makes a spectacular exit through the window, knowing that GISELLE will follow her out onto the roof.

GISELLE- (Taking PRINCE’s sword, which is now cool enough to touch) I need to borrow this!

PRINCE- (Protesting) GISELLE!

GISELLE- (As she follows NARISSA out through the window, accidentally leaving behind a shoe) Go find PIP!

PRINCE is a little miffed that GISELLE would prefer a chipmunk’s help to his own, but he turns to HENCHMAN

HENCHMAN- Come on, he’s in the car.

The rest of the action climax proceeds as it does in the film, only shorter and better because the dragon doesn’t say anything.

See, now everyone is well motivated and we play a couple more of our favorite cliches. In fact, if they had wanted to, they could have had a really big fight scene in the ballroom and included a nod to every single Disney Princess Movie action climax that has come before. I would have loved it. Anything would have been better than listening to that dragon monologue-ing.